"opportunities given"....

after i graduated college i decided to move and pursue music with all my heart and if that meant i had to struggle then i was "prepared" for that...i didn't think that it would be as hard as it was when i got to my destination to pursue a masters in music...it seemed like everything and everyone was going wrong around me... nothing seemed to work out...i wasn't prepared for what was happening..my professor made my life a living hell for me just to put it lightly...if i breathed wrong she had awful things to say to me ...and then would tell me things like, "i don't care you are struggling,u chose to go to grad school." and it was true i DID choose but the cold heart she displayed day after day to me and some others was so horrible and i didn't want that...it hurt me when i knew i had tried and tried...but i got it quickly that i need to understand to not take it personal...let her issue be her issue and keep it movin!!..i knew that i had to "stick in there" and push with everything in me towards my goal...and i did!! =)

through these horrid times i reached out (subconsciously/consciously) to ones that i thought could help me through advice and let me know that the different dissappointments i felt would all fade away at some point and soon things would let up off my back....i mean there was a point i didn't know how i was going to have the basic neccessities of life to live on ....and it seemed no one was there...well at least that is how it felt....i so wanted things to be better...but it was in those times i learned who i really was and how i reacted to certain things....these were opportunities to grow or to be stagnant or even live in offense...it was in those times i learned how to survive with joy in my life despite what was going on...i learned how to be grateful for what i had in those times and not focus on what looked all wrong...i learned and still learning to change any negative feeling i have in situations to a good feeling so that i can have good energy to attract good in my life...its hard but doable...if i would have let those moments (opportunities) pass i would have not been the person i am today...and this is what is so fascinating!!

to know that we all have the capacity to open our minds and learn the things that will basically "make us" either a internally better person or a person who reacts to things in a negative or victim manatlity way is amazing to me when i think about it....because it shows us how powerful we really are...and it shows us that WE are responsible for all of our emotions and frame of mind no matter what has been done to us...no matter what "end of the stick" one has been dished out in life or thought was dished out to them in life... we have to remember this...and sometimes it is hard to especially when some circumstances and even some people can be soo cruel or heartless but one thing my parents would say to me is, "YOU are responsible for how u react and for your emotions." this can hit hard but let me tell u...i had to to take heed and i am still a work in progress because it is soooo true....we as people have more power and strength then i think we give ourselves credit for!!

everything we go through or are faced with in life is an opportunity (whether good or bad or all that gray in between) to grow internally from...personal growth is a choice...its a daily action...one should never never wait till after the situation but one should get what they should get from that opportunity (circumstance) at that moment when it is fresh...don't get me wrong it is never too late to learn or be a better person from any situation...but what is scarey is when u are aware of a current situation and one doesn't take the intiative to learn from that situation or as i call it, "the opportunity.." or whats scarey is when u let that opportunity pass because of ones own hangups and then consequently one never gets what they should have gotten from it...
i want to be a growing organism all the days of my life..learning...loving...growing and growing...it is hard but i have a desire to make sure i try everyday and this is something i work on everyday...i think it can enhance so much in a great amount of time...so lets learn from all our "opportunities" of growth that are in our life in the present and what will come to us in the future...this can be life's challenge.... =)